It is human nature to want to be liked and accepted. However, this often leads to people worrying too much about what others are thinking about them.
When “they” is the subject of a sentence, “they” takes a plural verb regardless of whether “they” is meant to be singular or plural. For example, write “they are,” not “they is.” The singular “they” works similarly to the singular “you”—even though “you” may refer to one person or multiple people, in a. And if they want me to refer to them with a gender-neutral pronoun, I will do my best. You should, too. (As for “ze” and “hir,” I’ll try, but I’m still going to need a little more time. Start your 48-hour free trial to unlock this What They Don't Teach You at Harvard Business School study guide. You'll get access to all of the What They.
This kind of excessive worrying can have a negative effect on your life. It can be so debilitating that it interferes with your ability to feel at ease with yourself and around others.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
Do not let it prevent you from living your life to the fullest potential. Here are ten reasons why you should not care about what others think:
1. It’s Not Their Life, So It’s None Of Their Business
People are entitled to think whatever they want, just as you are entitled to think what you want. What people think of you cannot change who you are or what you are worth, unless you allow them to.
This is your life to live. At the end of the day you are the only person who needs to approve of your own choices.
2. They Don’t Know What’s Best For You
Nobody will ever be as invested in your life as you. Only you know what is best for you, and that entails learning from your own choices. The only way you will ever truly learn is through making your own decisions, taking full responsibility for them, and that way if you do fail, at least you can learn from it wholeheartedly, as opposed to blaming somebody else.
3. What’s Right For Someone Else May Be Completely Wrong For You
It’s important to recognize that someone’s opinion is often based on what they would do. This alone is the problem. What is best for somebody else, can be the worst thing for you. What one person considers garbage can be another person’s treasure. We are all so unique. Only you know what is right for you.
4. It Will Keep You From Your Dreams
If you are constantly worried about what other people think, you will never get to where you need to go in life. You are going to have to do things that don’t always meet people’s standards. You will come into situations where you have to put your pride, and your reputation on the line to get what you want. If you are constantly worried about what people are thinking, you will never have the will to do what’s right.
5. You’re The One Stuck With The End Result
In life, you are the one stuck with the consequences of your decisions. For example, if someone suggests you buy some stocks, but you just don’t feel like it’s the right choice, you are the only one who will live the consequences. If the stock falls and you lose a lot of money, you are the one that will have to live with the fact that you didn’t follow your inner call. When people give you their suggestions or even orders, there is no risk for them. They don’t have to live with your choices—but you do.
6. People’s Thoughts Change On A Regular Basis
We are constantly changing. Some philosophers and theorists suggest that we are in a constant state of flux, so much that we cannot even say we have one, specific ‘self’ (or a fixed personality). People’s thoughts, ideas and views change on a regular basis.
That means even if somebody does think badly of you at the moment, there is a good chance they will think differently in the near future. So basically, people’s thoughts don’t really matter.
7. Life Is Simply Too Short
You only have one life to live, so why would you spend it worrying about other people’s opinions? Do whatever you want, be whoever you want. You’re not going to see these people after you’re dead. You probably won’t even see them in a year from now. Live your life without worrying about other people’s thoughts and opinion, and you will live your life to the maximum.
8. You Reap What You Sow
Worrying too much about what other people think of you can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Frequently, people indulge their need to be liked so much so that it actually dictates to the way they behave. Some become people-pleasers or so submissive that many people are turned off. The behavior you use as an attempt to ensure you are liked may actually cause you to be disliked.
9. Others Don’t Care As Much As You Think
People generally don’t think outside themselves a great deal of time. It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think about most things in terms of “me” or “my”.
This means that, unless who you are or what you have done directly affects another person or their life, they are unlikely to spend much time thinking about you at all.
10. The Hard Truth: It’s Impossible To Please Everybody
You can’t please all of the people all of the time. It is impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations so there is no point in burning yourself out trying to do so. Just make sure that one of the people you please is yourself!
The weight of other’s thought can become a burden for you. It can inhibit you from living your life, because your entire being (your personality, your thoughts, your actions) are controlled by an idealized standard of what people want to see. When you become so obsessed with other people’s opinion of you, you forget your own.
You can make a conscious effort to stop giving a damn; to let yourself free. It’s a skill that needs to be practiced, like meditating. But once you truly understand how to let go, you will see the world as entirely different.
Once you give up catering to other people’s opinion and thoughts, you will find out who you truly are, and that freedom will be like taking a breath for the first time.
Featured photo credit: kevin laminto via unsplash.com
Jan 13, 2019·3 min read
This is the first of my mini-reviews, my plan is for every book I read to do a quick summary of it, what I liked, disliked and some good quotes. If you like this let me know and I’ll keep doing them!
Title — What they don’t teach you at Harvard Business School
Goodwill What They Don't Take
By — Mark H. McCormack
A collection of advice and anecdotes from Mark’s business adventures. As a sports agent business owner (and has now branched out), he summarises a number of things he’s learned and in particular the areas you wouldn’t learn from an MBA (so don’t expect graphs, business case studies…etc). In a little more detail:
People: They’re all different, understanding them and finding their motivations are key.
Sales: Listen more than you speak, you can turn things around and hold your ground.
Building a business: Start small, there is luck but work hard and being an entrepreneur isn’t for most people
He would often link a piece of advice from something from his own personal experiences. I’ve found often in these non-fiction business advice books that people love to give very long examples that often don’t even seem to relate to the advice they are supposed to back up. But that isn’t the case here. They are normally 1–4 short paragraphs, that are a joy to read and help re-enforce his arguments.
As it is a collection of advice, it isn’t like a book with one central message, which means it doesn’t go over points again & again and allows you to skip sections/areas that aren’t relevant to you. I hope to revisit certain parts in the future for this reason.
There are a few cases when it is obviously written in 1984. All pronouns are male and there is a section about Men’s egos vs. Women’s egos. He does reference this a little, but I believe if it was written today an editor would have made a number of changes here (or hopefully he would do it naturally… one can hope).
Although I said I loved the not staying on points — that has the disadvantage of not coming away from this book with points stuck in my head. I feel I need to re-read it to really get the benefit out of it.
I had a hard copy, so can’t refer as easily back to it.
Alas due to a lack of Kindle this is a little hard, but here are a few I quickly picked out from the end (I’ll do better in the future):
“Tiny stakes keep a 2-ton elephant at bay because they worked when they were babies”
“Don’t clutter up your mind with too many details”
“A no is often better for everyone”
“1:1s should be 45 minutes because the important stuff happens at 30”
At a dog food company event, the CEO said “If we have the best Sales, Marketing and Operations… Why are we selling less than everyone else” — to which one person answered, “Because the dogs hate it”.
I think this book is great for people in Middle-Management roles, entrepreneurs that are past Product-Market fit and growing & also Sales people looking to get to the next run of the ladder.
Clarkstown What They Don't Want You To Know
Overall I’d give this a 7/10, and look forward to reading parts of it again in the future.
People Fear What They Don't Know Quote
Thanks for reading, let me know if there are additional sections you’d like for these reviews!
They Don't Know What They Don't Know
What They Don't Teach In School
CEO — Haystack & Merlin Guides